Transactional Pleasures or Just the same Toxic Narcissism/Codependent Sexual Relating

He was a Brazilian Jesus surfer looking man. Handsome underneath some struggle on his face. Vulnerable Narcissist. I can call you by your name now. The spoken language does not discriminate. This toxic relationship has existed through time, space and countries. Some men try to make women feel sorry for them to have sex apparently in his world, but it doesn't work in the Tantric world because you are called upon to be a God in front of Goddess. I really try hard to explain that what i do is not intercourse and what I do is free flowing, and sometimes off a menu. I try to ask people during session about their needs and what they are working on in session. If people are seeking a massage, I send them to this sight which displays a variety of somatic issues not just sore backs. Sometimes, what it is they are working on doesn't come OUT until multiple sessions! With this example above, IF he were open to continuing to working with me, I might be interested in having a compassionate communication with him, but since I have KNOWN CODEPENDENCY with someone who is showing ANY narcissistic traits (which I can recognize now, thank goddess) I do not negotiate.

I recognized he was only going to have it one way so I severed the energy and ended our conversation once he started to repeat himself and tell me I should basically FINISH HIM as the Mortal Kombat voice says. I owe him an explosive Tantric orgasmic experience! that is what he believed that Tantra was and he was serious about me making up for it!

I offered to give him half of $300 back (because i did do a 2 hour session for the price of 90 that he obviously didn't appreciate because it didn't have the Tantric ending he wanted) and he refused it. he said he wasn't attached to money. (only to ejaculating) Okay then, get out. I used to be a "bait and switch" agency escort for many years in LA and I made a lot of money ripping men off and deceiving them of the price of penetration. It was a dangerous, fast, THUG LIFE, fun and profitable. I quickly learned that that agency work was NOT sustainable, mentally or existentially. This was IN NO WAY the way I was doing business in 2021. I wrote about this because ANYONE can feel cheated and ripped off. Anyone can interpret your services, your love, your generosity as SHIT. And you don't have to argue, agree or FIX that! (Yum, that's my Tweetable for the day).

The thing about MOVING SEXUAL ENERGY in Tantra (called Sublimation) through your body out of genitals is that it needs to be CONSCIOUSLY led through all of your chakra zone channels in daily meditation first, before you can truly manipulate the flow yourself. Trapped energy looks like what men call #blueballs. The client who texted me didn't have this because I didn't do strokes that stimulate enough to NEED penetration and we were working on sublimating his energy throughout his body before he left. So I know that his frustration is not about blue ball pain or agony. My first guess is that he is a vulnerable narcissist pretending to be anything I need him to be so he can fuck. He was absolutely baffled when I smiled and got dressed in front of his gorgeous lingam that I had just worshipped. I wasn't teasing. I was facilitating the attraction and energy in the room. I don't let mere mortals penetrate me energetically or physically if I can discern them away. This is the #divinemirror concept which doesn't have to do with how quickly we progress to what type of exact penetration and what type of exact ending etc. You come as my mirror, or I show you the door. He was attached to a certain outcome that he believed "Tantra" was. And when I did Yab Yum with me, he wasn't allowing his energy to BE without thrusting up which is not necessary with energy sex. He tried to kiss me, but he was too much a MAN and not allowing the divine within him to enter, and so he wasn't worthy for my lips and tongue. I don't kiss clients or people often, its reserved for special moments. How I do exactly and who is TRUE for that PERSON in that MOMENT. Sometimes I fuck on the first date (regular dating). But it's rare right so don't expect it. There are no two sessions nor clients alike. This is what makes our work unique, magical as well as highly personable. NOT TRANSACTIONAL. The exchange of money in prostitution is OUTCOME BASED. My work is outcome based too, except those outcomes are bigger than ejaculations (such as...healing from childhood trauma, recovering from a surgery mentally and physically, etc). 2 dysfunctions exist in prostitution: Buyer Market bullies and Seller market bullies and those two have a toxic transactional dysfunctional romance every time they see each other. The "you owe me an orgasm" mentality persists not just with sex workers and clients but between married partners and lovers too. Tally marks on the bedpost and heart only set you up for much disappointment. This is the problem that Tantra seeks to resolve.

I've had this very conversation with misguided men for about 20 years and in my more unhealed past its been a screaming, raging ugly fight OR recently because I was lonely and wanted to feel the pleasure and instant gratification (like him) of orgasm and lets face it clients offered me endless CONVENIENCE. 2019 was a year of falling in love with and getting involved with clients. 2020 was the last year of that and my great #cptsd discovery and Pandemic Breakthrough! I'm serious, if you're reading this and want to date me, you can't. If I ever got involved with clients it was a reflection of my trauma that I was yet to discover.

2020 is Having my HEART FULL and having HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP at home (with my BabyDog Satori) is the reason I can hold such strong, healthy boundaries for myself and my business. I don't get triggered by the Narcissist disguised in Vulnerable Clothing, I don't need to rip him a new asshole to prove that I am a Goddess. I even for the first time ever, offered a generous 50% refund! This is the 8th year I've practiced Tantra since I started in Los Angeles in 2013 and I feel like I'm finally doing REAL TANTRA not these "explosive Tantric massages." I am finally resisting my codependent pattern of FIXING/giving in/over giving because of someone's dissatisfaction/bad review of my work. Are there women who would pity fuck this pour soul? thegoddess, the Priestess I am was not even slightly wet. Real Tantra is real desire. All that is. This conversation exists between men and women every day and night. Not just between sex workers and clients. If he was in a better place, he would have been WORTHY of a better outcome with me, but I can't and wouldn't be able to write what that would have been. That is real Tantra. I don't throw pearls before SWINE.