Attachment Trauma and My Subconscious Brain

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#cptsd #attachmenttrauma #trauma #complexptsd

I have had a thing about DOOR LOCKS for the last 20 years but I didn't actually understand WHY until this week. My property manager whom I have been fighting an epic Star Wars battle against all month, having spiritual awakenings, conceiving a rescue dog adoption, having anxiety attacks because of his comments and actions are the reason I discovered that I have something called COMPLEX PTSD. In our battle he is the narcissist abuser and I am the fawn fight codependent that he is bullying. This subconscious vibration pattern has actually followed me since my parents divorced. I have attracted many many housing issues in my adult life, but as I track back my attachment trauma timeline I actually had thoughts of crying and laying in the fetal postiion at the front door like an abandoned baby left at the fire station. But I also feel like I am at the Jedi Master level of PTSD as well. Narc PM's son "accidentally" locked the top lock for the 2nd time. I don't have the keys to the outside gate so him and his son can lock me out whenever they want. I finally made the connection that I didn't want to make for 20 years and why I have a thing forgetting to lock locks. Not just house locks, car door locks too. I left my car unlocked visiting LA from Japan and someone stole my laptop backpack right out the car while I parked in front of a theater for 15 minutes. I forgot to lock the door. When I was 22 years old, I got the barbed wire magic wand tattoo that I have on my left arm. My older sister also got a tiny tattoo on her body at the same time and she kicked us both out at that time and CHANGED THE LOCKS so we couldn't come back! This is how CPTSD creates gaps in the brain and memory where attachment trauma has made painful memories blank spots, perhaps to help eleviate mental pain, but its these gaps in the brain that have created a LOT OF STRESS where there wasn't stress before.